A Happy Note

Lately I have been kind of done for obvious reasons. On the day my mom died Orion did the only thing he could to cheer me up. He took me to the beach. I did not take pictures that day, but I did take pictures from a week before. The beach is our families happy place. We go there for all sorts of reasons. 

 Adilyn is our little monkey. She loves to climb everything! We have to be really careful with her or else she will end up way too high and have no way to get down other than jump. She tends to just jump and figure we will catch her. She gives me a mini heart attack every time she does this.

 We live in such a beautiful place.

 She loved that she could walk around the water. She tried to jump in the water so Orion had to hold her for a while. That little girl of ours has no fear.

 Collecting sea weed and sticks.

 It is almost impossible to take her anywhere without her collecting things.

 I want to live right next to the beach. It would be amazing.

I bet Adilyn would be happy to live at the beach too. She is such a sweet girl. 

Heart breaking and sweet

I went over to my parent's place today to go through some of my mom's things. It is still really weird to think that she is gone. I miss her so much, but I still think she will call me or send me a text message through out the day. It was hard to go through her things and see what she valued. There was so many things that made me happy and sad. I just can't explain it. One of the things that I found was a box of crayons. 120 crayons to be exact. I knew that Adilyn would love them.

I brought them home and gave them to her once she woke up from her nap. As she was coloring in her coloring book I told her that Gramm gave her the crayons. She instantly looked to the door with a smile on her face. She was expecting my mom to walk through the door. I could not help but tear up at that. I had to tell her that Gramm was not coming over.

 Every time we go over to my parent's house Adilyn runs to the bedroom and looks in. She is expecting to find my mom in bed like always. My mom had been sick most of Adilyn's life. It breaks my heart every time Adilyn looks into the bedroom looking for my mom. I think it will be even harder for me when she stops looking for her. I know that Adilyn won't remember my mom and it makes me sad. But I will remind her of how loved she is by her Gramm.

Tender Mercies

My sweet momma passed away almost two weeks ago. It has been a rough two weeks. I miss her so much, but I know that she is in a better place. I know that Heavenly Father welcomed her home. I know that I will see her again someday. It has been a sad time, but it has also been full of tender mercies.

My wedding day 4/9/10. I am not sure why the picture says the date it does.

• When I got the call that something was wrong I rushed over to my parents place in the middle of the night. I was sobbing and begged the Lord to keep my mom here on this earth. I told Him that I was not ready for her to go. As soon as those words left my mom I had this feeling that it was her time to go and that it was going to be OK. I then prayed for strength.
• The paramedics and police were so sweat and kind to me as I got to my parents house. They explained to me what happened and asked if they could help me in any way. They wanted to make sure that I was going to be alright. I could never do their job, but I am so grateful for those men who were there that night to help. They do their job with little thanks everyday. They should be thanked more often for what they do.
• Orion stayed up until I got back home and held me while I cried. He wanted to take away my pain, but did not know how. So he listened and held me until I fell asleep. When Adilyn woke up a few hours later he woke up without complaint.
• Every time Adilyn has seen me cry she reaches up her sweet little hand to my face and wipes away my tears. She hugs me and gives me a kiss. She does not understand why I am crying, but wants me to feel better. 
• So many people offered help and support right after they heard what happened. Every time I told someone what happened it felt like I was finding out my mom passed away all over again. Friends came over and talked with me, hugged me, and told me how sorry they were. It was beautiful.
• After my mom's memorial service three little girls came up to me (with a little help from their wonderful nanny) and told me that they knew how I felt. They had lost their mom they year before. Those sweet little girls lost their mom at such a young age. They told me that they were sorry that I lost my mom and gave me a hug. I asked them if they thought our moms were in Heaven together and they said yes. It broke my heart to know that these sweet little girls had experienced what I was currently experiencing. It also made me so happy to know that they cared enough to share their story with me. 
• I know that families are forever. I miss my mom so much. I miss being able to call her on my bad days and complain about how Adilyn is driving me crazy. I miss her telling me that it was payback for all the times I did that to her as a child. I miss her calling me everyday to see how I was doing. I miss her laughing at my dumb jokes. She always thought I was the best at everything (even though that is not true). I am going to spend the rest of my life missing her, but knowing that we will be together again.

• I was talking to a friend about my momma passing and she made a great comment. "I bet your mom is up in Heaven meeting her future grandchildren". I hope she has met them already. I know that she wanted to be a grandmother for so long. As soon as I got married she started asking me for a grand baby. I am so grateful I got to give her Adilyn before she died. I know that her "little monkey" was her pride and joy. 
• There have been so many things that happened that have made this loss a little easier. Our earthly loss is a Heavenly gain. Heaven sure did gain a great woman. I love you momma. Keep my future kids in line will you?